Family in Pain
by Nearlyheadlessnick23
Summary: HOw Kerstin tries to help Ryan start talking and dealing with his pain about loosing Marissa


After the last few days they just had it felt wrong being able to look at such a beautiful sunrise.  
The night air was crisp but Kirsten could feel the sun starting to shine on her face. She was seated on one of the deck chairs while trying to enjoy the fresh air.

"Morning"  
"Hey. Let me guess you couldn't sleep either"  
Sandy nodded as he handed her a cup of coffee and took the seat next to her.  
"Seth still asleep"  
"Yeah just checked in on him on my way down. I see Summer spend the night again"  
"Doesn't surprise me. I figured she wouldn't want to go home and Seth most likely wouldn't want her to leave. I phoned her parents they atleast know she is here and safe."

There was silents between the two. Both were unsure of what to say. Kerstin was feeling ashamed of her thoughts. She was in pain with the loss of Marissa, but she was greatful that Ryan home safe and sound. She felt terrible and tried to feel the pain that Julie Cooper was dealing with but at the same time she was just grateful she had her family together again. She had both her boys home.

"Has Ryan come out yet"  
"No. I don't know what to do. He hasn't eaten since he got home and the doctor told me that he also didn't eat in the hospital either"  
"Ryan has always been a private person. We are just going to have to wait and be there for him when he is ready to talk"  
Sandy turned around as he heard movement in the kitchen.  
"Seth and Summer are in the kitchen"  
"Atleast they're eating."

Sandy and Kerstin stood up from their seats and made their way towards the kitchen. "Hey Kids"  
Sandy walked over to Seth and gave him a hug and then did the same to Summer. Summer's eyes were still red and swollen from all her crying and it looked like she might cry again.  
Kerstin was giving Seth a big hug when Summer started talking.  
"Sorry I stayed over again last night Mr and Mrs Cohen. I'll call my dad to come and pick me up."

Kerstin fought back the tears she could feel herself about to cry.  
"It's alright sweatheart. I spoke to your parents last night and they are ok with you staying here. We figured you might want to stay here for a few days. Your mom is going to drop of some clothes for you later"  
Summer looked at Kerstin and started crying again while saying her thank you's. Kerstin walked towards her and took her in her arms while letting a few of her own tears spill down her cheecks.

Sandy placed a plate of bagels on the table while Kerstin grabbed some cereal. No one really had an appetite but still they nibbled on what was placed infront of them. Kerstin took a seat at the head of the table and had a good view of the pool house. She could still clearly remember when they received the phonecall about the accident. She and Sandy were home alone, enjoying a nice quiet evening. Sandy had just finished telling her some joke when the phone rang.

It was one of Sandy's friends in the police department. He informed them there was an accident and Ryan's car was involved. Unfortunately the connection was bad and all Sandy could make out was that there was death and one injured. Who was dead he couldn't hear. Kerstin remembers how she prayed all the way to the accident scene. She felt terrible for knowing that soon they would find out which family just lost a family member.

"Honey, are you alright"  
Kerstin looked towards Sandy and nodded her head. She slowly stood from her seat and started pacing between the table and the island in the middel of the kitchen. She didn't pace long. She had a decicion to make and she made it.  
"I'm going to go and check on Ryan"  
"Are you sure"  
"Sandy we can't just leave him alone after something this big. He is our son and he needs us"  
Kerstin stormed out the kitchen leaving two smiling faces.  
"Did mom just say what I think I heard her say"  
"Yeah she did."

Ryan was on his bed staring at the ceiling. He felt numb. He still had cuts and bruises from the accident but that pain was nothing at what he was feeling about the loss of Marissa. He could still see her smiling face as she was talking about spending time with her father. The last thing Ryan could remember was the headlights of another car heading straight for them. As much as he tried he just could not block out the sound of Marissa's scream as the car went over the cliff.

Ryan placed his hands over his eyes. He wanted to scream. He heard the door of the pool house opening but didn't even bother to look who it was. He figured it would either be Seth or Sandy. Ryan was truelly surprized when he heard Kerstin talking to him.

"Ryan, hey sweetheart, how are you holding up"  
Ryan dropped his hands onto his stomach and just kept his eyes on the ceiling. He saw out of the corner of his eye Kerstin walking closer to him. She took a seat on the edge of the bed and slowly placed her hand ontop of one of his.  
"Ryan, why don't you come and eat something"  
Ryan pulled away from Kerstin and moved towards the other side of the bed.

"You should really eat something"  
"Just leave me alone"  
Kerstin got a fright at his sudden outburst but was not prepared to give up just yet.  
"You know if you you need to talk..."

"There is nothing to talk about. I should have the one to die in the car"  
Kerstin was so shocked at what she was hearing. She suspected Julie Cooper to start blaming him but never did she think Ryan would think such a thing.  
"Ryan it wasn't your fault. What happened was terrible and the person responsible will be caught and brought to justice"  
"Justice, Justice won't bring Marissa back"  
"I know it won't"  
Ryan started moving around the room and without warning threw the one bedside lamp through one of the windows looking out onto the pool.

Kerstin stood at the edge of the bed shocked. Ryan stormed towards the doors.  
"Just leave me the hell alone"  
Kerstin rushed after Ryan as he stormed out of the pool house. Ryan stopped in his tracks as he found Sandy, Seth and Summer standing on the patio. "Why won't you just leave me the hell alone."

Sandy slowly moved closer to Ryan.  
"Cause we care about you. We just wanna help you"  
"Why would you care. I have been nothing but trouble since I came here"  
"No you haven't. You've brought this family closer. We are all together because of you."

"That doesn't change things. I am still the reason Marissa is dead. She's gone because of me"  
Ryan collapsed to the floor in tears as he said the last part. Summer walked up to Ryan and slowly lowered herself next to him.  
"You're not the reason she's dead Ryan. I am sorry that she is gone but it wasn't your fault. You need to believe that."

Kerstin sat on the other side of Ryan and took him in her arms. Ryan just sat there crying. It was all he could do, it was the only thing he had strenght for. He still felt the pain of losing Marissa but he was with people who cared about him. He was with his family and with time he knew he would be able to continue on with life. 


End file.
